Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Good bye

Wave goodbye
Image

This past week I have slowly realised that I have taken on far too much and that my 'busy' life has been a big part of me developing post natal depression. So I am sorry to say that this will be my last blog post. I have truly enjoyed the past few years getting to know you all but now it is time for me to return to the real world and focus on what is really important to me - my health, my girls, my family, my friends and my study.

So thank you deer readers - I will miss you all.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

20 Sweets in 20 Weeks - Voting Time!

I will post the almond buttercrunch tomorrow, but in the mean time it is time to vote for the sixteenth sweet, and this time you are voting for...


No Bake Slice!

Lemon Mallow


Peanut Butter Museli


Maple Caramel


You know what to do - get voting using the poll on the right hand side!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Move it to Lose It - Week 12 (The End!)

Move it to lose it - 12 Week Challenge

Starting weight: 75.2kg 
Previous weight: 71.1kg 
Current weight: 70.1kg
Total Weight lost: 5.1kg

Finally the end of my 12 week challenge - and luckily I am finishing it off on a high note. I lost 1 kilogram in the past week, which means I was oh so close to getting under the 70 kilogram mark - but didn't quite make it. Next week I should definitely be back in the sixties again.

I also took my measurements again this morning and I'm pretty darn happy with the results...

Bust: 102cm -> 97cm (-5)
Chest: 87cm -> 82cm (-5)
Waist: 89cm -> 85cm (-4)
Hips: 106cm -> 103cm (-3)
Thighs: 58.5cm -> 55.5cm (-3)
Calves: 38cm -> 36cm (-2)
Upper arm: 28.5cm -> 27cm (-0.5)
Forearm: 26cm -> 25.5cm (-0.5)

Every part of me got smaller and I can really tell because all of my clothes are way to big for me now - it is such a great feeling!

At the end of my challenge I am happily under my pre-pregnancy weight and I'm ready to keep on going until I reach my ultimate goal weight of 60kg. I'm hoping that by my birthday (August 1st) I will be able to make it there. So thanks for cheering me on through this journey and wish me luck for the months ahead!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

♥ Weekly Favourites ♥

Bordeaux - macarons
Image

Can you believe I still haven't tried a macaron? I really need to rectify that soon.


Image

How cute is this bedroom - I love the bright white walls, the cute toddler bed and the little table for craft and play time. So cute!

Miffy in the Snow
Image

How cute is this bento box - I wonder if Zoe would be more open to eating her vegetables if her lunch looked like this?

DSC_0734
Image

Love these DIY wall hooks - I might have to make some with Zoe.


Image

How can you not love a cup of tea while sitting in the sun. Gorgeous.

woolly winter weather
Image

Love this gorgeous crocheted blanket - especially the choice of colours.

Flour, sugar, coffee, tea
Image

I would love to have some vintage canisters for the kitchen - these ones are especially cute.

Live Action Sailor Moon Figures
Image

I used to be a major, major fan of Sailor Moon when I was in high school - ah those were the days watching cartoons before going to school. Good times.

DSCN9623
Image

I would love having a view like this outside my window - how lovely and peaceful, and perfect for getting your art on.

28/365
Image

Ah so pretty - and very suited to how I am feeling right now. Like the sun is finally rising - things are going to get better from now on.

Friday, March 11, 2011

20 Sweets in 20 Weeks - #14: Death by Chocolate Cupcakes

Death by Chocolate Cupcake

Before we talk baking I have to say thank you everyone for your kind words and support in regards to my post on post natal depression. It has been so wonderful reading through all of your lovely comments, knowing that I am not alone in this and that the blogging community is always there to give me big virtual hugs. It is funny, since I wrote that post I have actually started to feel a lot better in general - like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. So thank you everyone for listening and not judging.

Now on to the cupcakes. First of all - why is it that each week the sweet that I want to win the poll never makes it. I was really hoping to make a Cherry Ripe cupcake! Sheesh! But seriously I was kind of hoping that Death by Chocolate wouldn't win because I'm not actually that big a fan of chocolate. So of course it did win - Murphy's law!

These cupcakes are quite devilish - a moist chocolate buttermilk cake filled and topped with dark chocolate ganache, then a swirl of white chocolate swiss meringue buttercream and finally drizzled with milk and white chocolate. Wowsers - that is a lot of chocolate! I had quite a few taste testers for these cupcakes because I brought them to a dinner party - and they were definitely a hit. So if you or someone you know are a chocolate lover you should definitely give these cupcakes a try.

Death by Chocolate Cupcake

Chocolate Buttermilk Cake (from The Australian Women's Weekly - Classic Cakes)
Makes 24 cupcakes

180g unsalted butter, softened
1 tsp vanilla extract
330g caster sugar
4 eggs, separated
110g self-raising flour
35g cocoa powder
180ml buttermilk
  1. Preheat oven to 180C. Line 2 12-hole muffin trays with cupcake papers.
  2. Beat butter, extract and sugar in a small bowl with electric mixer until light and fluffy. 
  3. Beat in egg yolks, one at a time, until just combined.
  4. Transfer mixture to large bowl, stir in sifted dry ingredients and buttermilk.
  5. Beat egg whites in clean small bowl with electric mixer until soft peaks form, fold into cake mixture in two batches.
  6. Divide mixture into cupcake papers and bake for approximately 20 minutes (or until a skewer comes out clean). Note: my oven is not tip-top so your cupcakes make bake quicker/slower.
  7. Allow to cool slightly in muffin trays and then move to a wire rack to cool.
Death by Chocolate Cupcake

Dark Chocolate Ganache

226g dark chocolate, in small pieces
2/3 cup thickened cream

  1. Place chocolate into a bowl.
  2. Bring cream to boil in a small saucepan, remove from heat immediately and pour over chocolate.
  3. Stir until chocolate melts.
  4. Place ganache in fridge and stir every 10 minutes until you reach a good piping consistency.
Death by Chocolate Cupcake

White Chocolate Swiss Meringue Buttercream

Follow the directions for Almond Swiss Meringue Buttercream, but omit the vanilla extract and almond essence, and instead add 200g of melted white chocolate that has been slightly cooled.

Assembling the Cupcake

  1. Cut out a well in each cupcake (eat the cut out piece :D).
  2. Fill the well with dark chocolate ganache (I piped in the ganache).
  3. Smear a layer of dark chocolate ganache on the top of the cupcake.
  4. Pipe a swirl of white chocolate swiss meringue buttercream on top.
  5. Melt 200g of milk chocolate, cool slightly and then coat the buttercream on each cupcake.
  6. Melt 100g of white chocolate, cool slightly, place in a piping bag and swirl onto the milk chocolate on top of each cupcake.
Zoe and Cupcake

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

PND

depression III
{Image}

I didn't think this would happen to me. But here I am. I have post natal depression.

According to my doctor my case is only mild, but when those dark thoughts enter my mind it doesn't feel mild. I have never felt anger and sadness like this before. And worst of all I feel totally disconnected from my sweet little Grace.

When Zoe was born I instantly fell in love - I was beaming with pride and I was over the moon. The birth of Grace was different - it was fast, scary and extremely painful. And once she was born I was in complete shock. I wondered why I didn't have that same instant bond that I had had with Zoe, but I thought that it would come with time.

Even after four months I still find myself staring at Grace wondering when I will feel that special connection, or if I will ever feel it at all. I often look at her with resentment and anger - for the horrible labour that I had, for looking like her dad, for taking me away from Zoe and for crying, what feels like all the time. I find myself getting so angry with her that I have violent thoughts (that I never act upon) - towards myself and towards Grace. Every night I go to bed with my mind racing - thinking how much I did wrong during the day and how much of a bad mother I am. I say to myself every night that tomorrow will be better - that I won't get angry, I won't cry and I won't wish away this time with Grace. Then something will set me off the next day and the cycle continues.

I want to be happy with my beautiful girls and my little life, and I want to feel that connection, that love for my Grace. But first I need to get this post natal depression under control. I am going to join a support group and I have an appointment next week for a full mental health evaluation. I am going to get better. This won't last forever.

Thanks for listening.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

20 Sweets in 20 Weeks - Voting time!

I will post the death by chocolate cupcakes on Friday, but in the mean time it is time to vote for the fifteenth sweet, and this time you are voting for...

Candy Necklaces
Image

Candy!

Almond Buttercrunch


Marshmallows


Fudge


You know what to do - get voting using the poll on the right hand side!